I've Got a Pot of Tea
by White Shade
Summary: This me attempting to be humorous. You must tell if I tragically fail. It's just a short story about what could have happened at the tea table if Stayne had spotted the tea pot Hatter was holding.


I've Got a Pot of Tea

** A/N: This could be considered a crossover if you think about it, but I think of it as borrowing content from two places and putting it into one scene. Plus, it's mostly Alice in Wonderland anyway. **

Thackery was pouring tea into a cup that was broken on the bottom, yet the tea was landing in another cup. He was laughing madly until the body of Chess appeared in the seat next to him, a wide grin spread across his face.

They sat at the tea table, Alice still small from the Pishsalver she'd swallowed. She sat next to Hatter after he pulled her across the table.

"Time can be funny in dreams," she said.

"Yes yes of course, but now you're back you see. And we need to get on to the Frapjous day," he said.

"Frapjous day!" Mally and March said at the same time, following with random laughter.

"Lately, I've been investigating things that begin with the letter 'M'. Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?" Tarrant asked. Another random statement.

"Down wit th' bloody beig hid!" March, Mally, and Hatter said at the same time.

"What?" Alice asked.

"Down with the bloody big head, the bloody big head being the red queen," Chess explained while running his paw through his tea.

"Come come, now we must commence with the slaying and such. Therefore, it is high time to forgive and forget, whichever comes first, or as in any case, of the most convenient...I'm waiting," Tarrant said, as he pulled out his pocket watch.

"Ah, i-i-i-it's t-t-tickin' again," Thackery said, looking at his as well.

"All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea," Chess said abruptly and sadly.

"Well, the entire world is falling to ruin, and poor Cheshire's off his _tea_," Hatter said, annoyed.

"What happened that day was not my fault," Chess replied, remembering what Tarrant was referring to. This made Hatter's eyes turn orange.

"Oh dear," Thackery said, putting his mouth to a cup. Hatter got up, advancing towards the cat.

"You're on out and'im to save yer own skin, ya godforscottish pilgrining shoecomejuggling slurking your own barnomore I'llbur..." Hatter began in a fit of rage, getting louder as he insulted the cat.

"Hatta!" Mally scolded before he could ramble more, spoon in hand.

"Thank you," he squeaked, eyes turning back to green. "I'm fine."

"What's wrong with you Tarrant? You used to be the life of the party. You used to do the best Futterwacken in all of Witzend," Chess continued.

"Futterwhat?" Alice asked, having more questions about them as their random conversation resumed at the table.

"Futterwacken!" Thackery exclaimed, beginning to dance.

"It's a dance," Mally explained.

"On the Frapjous day, when the White Queen once again wears the crown. On _that_ day, I shall Futterwacken...vigorously," Tarrant said, narrowing his eyes and his Scottish accent rang in her ear.

They laughed, but Chess heard an out-of-the-belong sound.

"Oh uh," he said. The sounds of galloping hooves coming towards them, erupting the air.

Mally gasped. "The Knave," she said, warningly.

"Goodbye," Chess said, evaporating right before them. Thackery who was behind him, panicked even more, for he had hidden behind the cat out of fear. He squabbled to his seat once more.

"Drink this quickly," Hatter said, seeing the dire situation. He shoved a small bottle of Pishsalver at Alice, forcing it down her throat. She coughed after finishing it. Then, she shrank even more; her clothes were becoming quite large on her.

"Quick, hid her," Thackery warned, all of a sudden perfectly sane.

Hatter picked her up, and he put her in a tea pot that was close by him. All of them assembled themselves in a normal position for a tea party and nervously sipped their tea. Hatter put the tea pot in his lap, just as Stayne came into view. He gave his gaped-toothed smile, bright green eyes glowing throughout the atmosphere.

He could feel Alice wanting to be let out of the tea pot, but he wouldn't dare even to consider it.

"Well, if it isn't my favorite trio of lunatics," Stayne said, dismounting his horse. The Red Queen's guards surrounded him.

"Would you like to join us?" Mally asked.

"Yer late for TEA!" Thackery shouted throwing a cup, which the Knave dodged, and therefore it hit the card behind him. They laughed madly again.

"We're looking for the girl called Alice," he said oh so seriously. Hatter mentioned the White Queen and the trio began singing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Bat". Stayne wrapped his arm around Hatter's head.

"If you're hiding her...you'll all loose your heads," he laughed.

"Already lost them," Tarrant said in a choked voice, making the others laugh back at Stayne.

"Well, what's this?" Stayne asked, picking up the pot in Hatter's lap. Hatter shot a worried look to Mally.

"That sir, is a tea pot," Mally said innocently.

"May I look at it?" he asked, still in his serious voice.

"If you wish to negotiate something for it," Hatter said, improvising.

"Negotiate?" Stayne repeated.

"Come to negotiate, eh have ya ye slimy git?" Hatter burst out, grabbing the tea pot from him.

"Look what I got! I've got a pot of tea, I've got a pot of tea, and guess what's inside it?" Hatter sang. "I've got a pot of tea, I've got a pot of-" Tarrant tripped over his own feet, tumbling to the ground, rolling off a tiny hill.

"Oooooooh," Thackery, Mally, and the cards said in unison. Stayne smiled.

"Got it!" Hatter said from the bottom, holding up the pot. Stayne looked with interest again, still wondering what was in that pot. He held it high as he got back up, secretly hoping Alice was okay in there.

Really, Alice felt as if she was going to throw up. She hadn't experienced true motion sickness until that point. She laid down inside, not making a single noise.

"Enough!" Stayne said, walking toward Hatter, drawing his sword.

Hatter didn't have anything to fight back with, but Thackery threw more tea cups at Stayne's head...and with accuracy. A few of them smashed, but after Stayne got annoyed with Hatter's dodging and tea cups being thrown at his head, he turned around, ready to murder Thackery. The hare laughed, throwing one last tea cup. It hit Stayne square in the face, knocking him to the ground. He lay there, without a conscience and Mally laughed uncontrollably.

Tarrant analyzed the Knave, checking to see if he was faking it. He wasn't. He chuckled to himself, and the cards stood flabbergasted. They ran away; without Stayne, they had no purpose but to return to the Red Queen.

"Bunch 'o cowards," Tarrant said, still holding that tea pot. He kicked at Stayne and thrusted him down the hill, and another hill he found that was larger and nearby. Maybe he would get lost, Tarrant thought. He sat back down at the table, placing the pot on the table. He lifted up the top, reveling Alice wrapped in too large of clothing.

"Ooop," Hatter said, closing the lid. "Pardon, one moment." He slipped his fingers in the pot, feeling for a piece of cloth. He dug it out and made a tiny dress for her to wear. "Try this on for size."

She knocked when she was finished changing, and Tarrant lifted her out of the pot, looking at her.

"I like it," he said, then Alice couldn't hold it anymore. She threw herself to the side of the table and threw up onto the grass. Hatter watched her do this, a surprised and disgusted look on his face. "Is it that bad?"

"Is that the way you handle a situation with that guy?!" she exclaimed. "Forgive me, but I do not wish to enter that tea pot again with you in control." Hatter sighed with relief.

"Oh, so it's not the dress then?" he asked. She looked down at herself, seeing the dress in full form.

"Oh no," she said. "It could never be the dress. The dress is too lovely." He smiled at her, now that she wasn't over the edge of the table sick.

"Sorry Alice," he said. "But you did take your chance with mad people you know."

"I realize that," she replied, sitting back down. "Now, what did he want with me?" Hatter sighed, going on to explain about the queens and the problems of Underland at the moment. This talk made him sad, and when it came time for Alice to run, Tarrant let down his hat.

"Your carriage my lady," he said.

"The hat?" she asked.

"Yes of course. Anyone can travel by horse or by foot, but the best way to travel around Underland is by hat," he informed her. Mally wanted a ride too, but Hatter insisted on Alice going alone. He gave Mally a suspicious eye. He glanced back at Alice, a warm smile on his face. He gave her a special glance, one that she knew to be a sign of true friendship. She smiled back at him, instantly forgiving him for the tea pot incident.

"I'm ready," she said, and Tarrant walked away from the table.

"Good luck...lovely Alice," he whispered, positioning the hat in his hands. "Hold on tightly." He threw the hat, a slight spin in his throw. She held on, looking around Underland in a flash. Hatter had made sure to spin the hat. Just so that _The_ Alice (he was sure of it) could glance around Underland and witness the damage done by the "bloody big head". They needed a champion.

**Note: I don't plan on doing a lot of these, unless I get plenty of reviews saying they are cool. Review nonetheless plz!! **


End file.
